So much of our world operates at hyper speed. Everything from desserts to dates can be arranged with just a few swipes. While this futuristic level of accessibility definitely makes life easier, our penchant for instant gratification can leave us feeling disconnected and dissatisfied in the bedroom.
The quickest way to kill the mood is to rush through it, and yet that's what so many of our sexual encounters have become. More recent research is needed, but a2005 study found that the average sexual session lasts about 5.4 minutes. The average amount of time one spends on their phone? Five to six HOURS.
When we expect our bodies to work as fast as our tech, we miss out on the beauty of slow pleasure. We're not advocating for 24-hour romps (unless that's what you're into), but turning down the speed gives you—and your partner—a chance to turn up the sensation. So if you've been searching for a way to add more depth, intimacy, and satisfaction to your sex life, the answer might be simpler than you think.
What is slow pleasure?
Slow pleasure is not some complex, advanced technique that only a select few can master. Quite the opposite. It’s a simple, accessible approach to sex that focuses on the erotic potential of slowing down and taking time to savor each sensual experience.
Rather than relying on the quick method that "always works," slow pleasure encourages women to explore their sexuality at their own pace. While there will always be a time and place for quickies, slow pleasure offers an opportunity to enjoy a deeper kind of orgasm—one that comes from savoring each sensation instead of racing toward the finish line.
More of a mindset shift than anything else, many of us struggle to tap into slow pleasure because we’re used to the quick sex that has been so normalized. Thanks to scripted porn, ultra-intense vibrators, and patriarchal pressure from partners to perform, too many women have developed an expectation that pleasure has to happen fast. But when you remove that expectation and allow yourself to explore your body without judgment or pressure, you open up a world of pleasure-filled possibilities.
Slow pleasure is:
-- Taking all the time you need.
-- Experimenting with different sensations.
-- Relaxing into the moment.
Slow pleasure isn't:
-- Positioning orgasm as the goal.
-- Rushing through sex.
-- Feeling bad for taking your time.
Benefits of Slow Pleasure
When you give yourself the space and permission to explore your body through slow pleasure, the benefits are endless. Not only will you enjoy higher levels of orgasmic pleasure, but you’ll learn more about your body and develop a deeper connection with yourself.
Here's are 5 benefits of slow pleasure that you can experience.
1. Longer Buildup Means Longer Intensity
Unlike the quick hit of pleasure that comes from direct clitoral stimulation, slow pleasure encourages you to increase buildup time. More light touches. More teasing. More foreplay. More pleasure for pleasure's sake.
You'll more commonly hear slow pleasure referred to as edging, which is basically just delaying orgasm for as long as possible in order to build up the intensity. While it's mainly talked about in partner play, you can absolutely use edging while masturbating to deepen your O.
2. Less Desensitization
We love a good vibrator as much as the next gal, but there is such a thing as relying too much on gadgets and gizmos to get you off. Unlike vibrators that turn the intensity way way up to help you reach orgasm faster, slow pleasure draws out every touch and movement, heightening your senses along the way.
3. Creates More Presence
Let's admit it: we're all a little distracted these days. Staying in the moment (even if the moment is a fun one!) is tough when there are bills to pay, texts to respond to, and emails to answer. Slowing down your pleasure sessions unintentionally teaches you how to slow down your brain. By honing in on what's happening right now, you silence all the mind chatter and learn how to enjoy everything that's happening in front of you.
4. Allows For More Creativity
The more time you have to play, the more likely you are to experiment with new touches, toys, and positions. Slow pleasure is all about following whatever urge you have (except maybe the urge to just "finish already) and seeing where it takes you. So if you have a sexy idea while you're slowing down, now's the time to explore it!
5. Prolongs The Experience
Why should something that makes us feel so physically and mentally good be limited to just a few short minutes? Inviting some slow pleasure into your life will expand the time you spend learning how to reach incredible depths of satisfaction. And that is time well spent.
Water Is The Best Method To Enjoy Slow Pleasure
There is no limit as to who or what you can involve in your slow pleasure session. But we'd be remiss not to mention how utterly perfect bathtub masturbation is for this kind of experiment. Between playing with water pressure, adjusting the temperature, positioning where it hits you, and allowing your hands to roam free, bathtub faucet masturbation is one of the best ways to enjoy slow pleasure -- and Lovability's WaterSlyde is a great bath companion to comfortably make that happen.
About The Author
Emily Blackwood is a freelance journalist committed to answering the plaguing question of what makes us truly happy. Turns out, it's a lot. Her work has been published in SELF, HuffPost, and YourTango. You can learn more here.
Medical Disclaimer: The information provided here is intended for educational and informative purposes only and is not intended to serve as medical or professional advice. If you have any concerns or questions about your health, you should always consult with a physician or other health-care professional.