Being a sexual woman today has its challenges. From contraceptives to sexual orientation, female masturbation to the orgasm gap, navigating the world of modern sex isn’t easy. In my opinion, the biggest challenge that plagues a modern, sexual woman is disconnection. It seeps into every nook and cranny of our sex lives. Disconnection from our bodies, our partners, and our minds (ever heard of getting in your head?) seem to be the hot topics of discussion in our world. Just look at hookup culture.
The Importance of Connection
I first noticed disconnection in my sex life during intercourse with a former partner. Though we spent time together outside of hookups, sex still felt, well, uninspiring. It felt transactional instead of interactive and engaging; and, most importantly, it didn’t make me feel good. Where was the glowing post-sex goddess I had read about in so many articles online? At that point, even solo sex left me disillusioned.
Tantra For Beginners To Help Me Connect And Improve My Sex Life
This disconnection is what turned me onto Tantra. Tired of the unfulfilling sex and the race to orgasm (even with myself!), I began to look for a way to get something more out of my sex life.
And that’s when I met Jane Jett...
An Interview With Kinktra Owner Jane Jett
Jane Jett is a sex educator, therapist and an overwhelmingly inspiring leader in the sex-conscious community. From one-on-one coaching to large events – even throwing some of the most luxurious sex parties in Los Angeles history – Jane helps all kinds of people to awaken their sexuality (including the likes of Marilyn Manson and Kat Von D). Her edgy yet sensual persona draws you into her work.
But it’s her kind demeanor, genuine confidence and drive for change that makes you stay to learn more. She’s a rockstar and a badass in both the Kink and Tantra spaces. Most importantly for me, she teaches sex as a form of self discovery and liberation.
During her busy schedule of changing the way the world views sex, hosting her podcast Kinktra In The Raw, and enriching the lives of many through her company, Kinktra, Jane answered a few of my questions on Tantra.
Here's my interview with her to help explain Tantra for beginners:
What is Tantra?
Tantra is a controversial subject, and to define it is a challenging task.
The tradition people are most familiar with nowadays is Neo-Tantra, as it is the new or revered version of Tantra. Neo-Tantra has a reputation for its embrace of sexuality: a perceptive that has drawn a great deal of controversy and skepticism. Neo-Tantra weaves threads between the sexual and the spiritual, the human and the divine, demonstrating, in profound ways, that each exists in the other.
The etymology of the word Tantra means “the weaving and expansion of energy,” but contrary to popular belief, Tantra itself does not involve sex at all. It is instead a sensory experience that aims to reconcile both the masculine and feminine energy systems and can be achieved through meditation and breathing techniques.
How is Tantra philosophy different from Western philosophies of sex?
Tantra is a mind, body and soul connection weaving lovers/self closer into orgasmic bliss. This is only achieved when one has mastered self-love, self-understanding, and self-compassion.
Tantra is not about sex or challenging sexual poses, aka Karma Sutra, as it often is glamorized in movies and or books; it is a profound and intimate experience that aims to reconcile both the masculine and feminine energy systems and can be achieved through meditation and breathing techniques. The West sadly depicts this beautiful art form as a sort of occult/yogi sexual practice in which one would have to conduct rituals to achieve mind-blowing sex.
Why do you personally practice Tantra? And what’s the importance of harnessing your sexual energy through Tantra?
Tantra finds a way into your life when you need it. You don’t seek tantra; tantra seeks you.
I was still working with the elements of kink and psychology, but Neo-Tantra drew me for the soul connection to sensuality and sexuality it offers. I was lucky to find a mentor who did not teach Tantra in the “traditional” ways.
My guru/mentor, Psalm Isadora, was a tantric rebel eager to teach women the healing power that pleasure could bring to the body. She utilized ancient healing methods that required meditation and a deeper body connection. That’s when I fully and uninhibitedly felt the calling to combine all of my greatest loves to aid the mind, body, and soul connection.
What are the benefits of Tantra? How can Tantra empower women?
In our society today, fear and confusion about the whole design of one’s sexuality are prevalent. The practice of honoring the body, trusting, and loving isn’t a common topic. However, the need for these things is healthy and necessary.
Many women experience numbness, discomfort, or pain during intercourse or masturbation. Others struggle with low libido, inadequate lubrication, or with the burden of sexual trauma or abuse. Our porn-driven society often conditions women to play the role of sexual objects of male pleasure, while their pleasure and desires are disregarded. Female patterns of arousal are very different [from] male profiles.
As women, we’ll never be able to access the most expanded and profound depths of our sexual and orgasmic potential if we don’t truly understand our bodies and our turn-ons.
But women are naturally tantric and can experience many different types of orgasm, including vaginal, G-spot, squirting, cervical, energetic, heart orgasms, etc.
What is Yoni?
Yoni is a Sanskrit word, which means the source and sacred temple of life, and it is used to indicate female genitals. In Tantric traditions, where sexuality is worshipped and honored, Yoni presents [the] wholeness of a woman’s femininity.
Yoni healing is an art of touch and intimacy. Yoni helps to get a deeper understanding of how different aspects of Tantra, including the mind, the body, the spirit, and the soul, affect and transform a woman’s life, career, friendships and relationships.
How do you incorporate Tantra into other self-love practices?
It is essential to start by stating that the practice of Tantra begins with you.
Tantra is nothing more than a path of transformation.
You do not require a partner; this is a deep connection of self-love, and self-discovery.
The Tantric path of self-love will help you come out feeling like a new, better, more sensual version of yourself. You will build confidence, attraction, and charisma in your body. You will cultivate your sexual force and power, making you irresistible – whether you’re single and looking for a partner or whether you’ve been in a relationship for years and want to create more juice, pleasure, and fun at home!
How does Tantra play into the rest of your lifestyle?
To cut it down to the most basic [reason] why Tantra can improve your life are the Kundalini meditations that guide you to move energy up and down the spine and expand the energy centers of your body (chakras). With just adding these regular practices – starting with only five minutes each day, and gradually adding time as you progress – Tantra becomes available to all physical abilities. Most people who want to can find time to fit this into their daily routine.
I am so grateful to Jane for taking the time to chat and for making Tantra for beginners more accessible. Learning about Kink and Tantra has deepened my understanding of sex and opened my eyes to what my life’s potential both inside and outside of the bedroom.
About the Author
Daniella (@daniellakelley on Instagram) is a senior Environmental Science major at UCLA who is passionate about social changes — from sexual liberation to climate change. When she’s not writing for Lovability or Spoon University, Daniella can be found pursuing photography, playing the cello, trying *really* hard to be vegan, or actively creeping on Harry Styles’ Instagram. You can check out her photography at daniellakelley.com.