Condoms! Still Not Convinced? Really!?
Condoms. What images does your brain conjure up when you hear the word? Well, your first thoughts of condoms should be of two VERY awesome things: birth control and safe, protected sex.
Sexting & Nudes as a Confidence Booster
Sexting - sending nudes by text - can be empowering, boost your self esteem, and bring you closer to your partner, enhancing your sex life.
What Being a Sexually Liberated Woman Really Looks Like
Far from the famed Sexual Liberation Movement of the 60s and 70s, here we are in 2019 still having to scream that our bodies are our own. It only makes sense that so many of us choose to disregard the masses and the traditional, and remove ourselves as much from the patriarchy as humanly possible.
Many of us call ourselves sexually liberated because we express ourselves how we want and have sex when we want regardless of society's opinion. But, if you really want to be in control of your sexuality and empower the women around you, Id like to suggest a few more factors to keep in mind.
You're in Control - Whether You're a Virgin or Have Sex Twice a Day
What you do with your body is YOUR choice... point blank... period. The choice to have sex is yours to make; the choice not to is yours as well. Institutions shouldnt have any say in the personal decisions you make about your body: not your abstinence only sex ed class in school, not a congressman, not a pastor, not your partner, not your classmates, not your coworkers.
Ignore the Expectations
The media and our culture are constantly telling us who we have to be. Where we have to shave, what our body shapes have to be. Have too much sex and society calls you a slut; don't have any and society calls you a prude. Its a lose-lose situation, so it's time to stop listening.
Maybe, for you, this means changing your media intake. Start following body positive, queer and POC influencers or models. Some of my favorites are @phloonie, @tessholliday, @wheelchair_rapunzel, @ihartericka, and @watchshayslay on Instagram. Theres such a diversity in women and we're all beautiful; you've gotta revamp your idea of what an Instagram baddie is.
It's really important to consider the porn you watch, too. If you're not seeing yourself represented, how can you visualize being autonomous in the bedroom? Switching it up will help with your feelings of deservingness in sexual interactions. Some good places to look for more representative, ethical porn are Make Love Not Porn, Crashpad Series, Pinklabel TV, and Queerporn TV.
Know Your O, and Tell Them How To Get There
Your partner is not a mind reader (wouldn't that be nice). Statistics show sex is better for all parties involved when theres communication, in fact, your sexual satisfaction can increase by 54 percent once you get to talking. Maybe you think that conversing during sex would be awkward, but communication can be sexy! Talking about what you want to do to your partners body, what you want done to yours, and what feels good, is a huge audible turn on. And communication doesn't have to be with words, its hot to physically show your partner what you like as well.
And how can you tell them how you want it if you don't know? Setting aside time to explore your body on your own is always a good idea. Investing in body-safe sex essential products, like condoms and lube, can help you discover just how you like to orgasm.
Hold Off on Judgement
Sexually liberated women NEVER judge their sisters in liberation. The world is harsh enough, and if we cant support each other, who will? If your more traditional family has something to say about your cousins crop top speak up! If you hear male friends talking about a female classmates reputation speak up!
If you want more real life examples, statistics and information about standing up in everyday interactions, you should read the Feminist Fight Club by Jessica Bennet. It's the holy grail handbook to confronting sexism on a daily basis.
Be Proactive And Prepared
Being sexually liberated means never associating sex with guilt. Being prepared means carrying condoms and being tested regularly. Many schools, universities, and Planned Parenthood offices offer free or affordable birth control and STI testing, and now there are apps that do, too. You can try TBD Health (at-home STI test) or The Pill Club.
Being prepared also means staying educated. Learn about anatomy, about the types of sex you've never had, about the marginalization of sex workers -- learn it all. Sex positive podcasts, like Pillow Talk and Sex Ed in Color and sex positive books, like The Ethical Slut and Come as You Are, are all fantastic resources
And, most important of all, accept yourself and all the women you know. It's the only way we move forward.
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About the author
A sophomore at New York University currently studying Gender and Sexuality Studies, Tara Jones hopes to get her Masters in Human Sexuality and go into either sex therapy or sex education. She wants to bring attention to how injustice manifests in sexual interactions and the orgasm gap. In Tara's free time, she runs a small business designing and creating swimwear (@bytaraj on Instagram).
To The Sexual Pioneers Before Us — Thank You!
It's not easy for anyone these days. Attempts to take back some of the hard fought rights won over a long history of battling for women are coming from all directions.
And while we’ve taken the time to self indulge in cries and sorrow, we’d like to invite you to think about some of the women before us who made love, sex and intimacy “mainstream” and safer. We have a lot to thank them for! After all, they’ve helped create the exciting, hopeful and breath-taking world we live in. Let’s use their examples to fuel us as we fight on!
Here are a few of the “Power Babes” who’ve helped us understand our bodies, our minds and our passion just a little bit more. Thank you, ladies!
Margaret Sanger
Margaret Sanger isn’t a new name to anyone who uses birth control.
She was the original Babe With the Power. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the all-powerful Sanger, she dedicated her life to legalizing birth control. She started out in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, working as a nurse. She coined the term “birth control” in 1915 and was arrested for opening up her first birth control clinic in 1916. By 1921, she founded the American Birth Control League which became Planned Parenthood.
Every time you take your birth control, please send a warm thank you to Margaret.
Virginia E. Johnson
This name shouldn’t be new to anyone who took a high school psychology class, but she’s a pioneer sex researcher goddess and we owe her a huge thank you!
She worked tirelessly with William Masters to understand sexuality and sexual intercourse and to help de-stigmatize it. In the 1960s, mind you! While people were burning Beatles albums, she was studying sexual intercouse in a lab. She was the key component for one of the largest human sexuality studies in history. Her warmth, kindness and openness was what made participants feel comfortable enough to shed their clothes and open up about their sexuality as well as be studied during the most intimate times. She never stopped learning, growing or researching sexual health and intimacy.
Dr. Ruth Westwheimer
We know her, we love her, and can only imagine how amazing family dinners would be if Ruth Westheimer was at our table.
She’s been talking about sex since her first radio show “Sexually Speaking” in 1980, and continues to talk about it on her Youtube channel. She never misses the opportunity to give frank sex advice and the world loves her for it. She emphasizes the importance of relationships, communicating and more recently, unplugging from your phone! She gives a strong warning to long term couples as well, “Don’t let boredom creep in to the bedroom.”
Just this year, a new documentary about her amazing life dropped. We totally recommend checking it out.
Everyone would have a lot less fun and be a bit more sexually confused if Dr. Ruth wasn’t such a powerful babe! Thanks, Dr. Ruth!
Julie Schwartz Gottman
Julie Gottman is co-founder and President of the Gottman Institute, a world-renowned therapy institute for couples.
Julie has helped thousands, probably millions, of couples communicate better and increase their intimacy – physically and emotionally. She and her hubby are the pioneers in couple’s health, communication and sex research. If you ever have a fight with your partner (which is inevitable and totally normal), research "The Gottman communication techniques."
You and your partner will thank her, revel in the ease and passion of your talks, and maybe even wonder what all the fighting was about in the first place! By listening to partner interactions, even just for five minutes, the Gottman Institute can even predict the lasting of your relationship with a roughly 90 percent accuracy rate. Now that’s an amazing woman!
But our journey as women isn’t over just yet. We can all help further the mission of these sex-positive ladies by taking our sexual wellness into our own hands and becoming the empowered babes they so dreamed of! And so many modern women are doing this today. Keep checking in to find spotlights on some of our favorite badass babes, or what we like to call them – Babes with the Power!
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Amy Haywood is a writer, storyteller, and part-time dog masseuse who loves spreading health and wellness empowerment to the masses. You can check out her writing and social media on her website, helloamychristine.com.
