Babe With The Power

I’m thrilled to introduce this month’s Power Babe, Dr. Vida Samuel. When I was asked the question during one of my interviews – “Who is a woman you look up to?” – Vida’s beautiful face pop into my head. 

Vida is Assistant Professor in Residence in the Department of Human Development at the University of Connecticut’s Stamford campus. She’s a women’s studies and intercultural communication scholar whose research focuses on the sexual lives of women at midlife.

I recently had the honor of guest-speaking in one of her classes at UConn, and walking through the halls with her felt like I was accompanying a beloved rock star. She is a woman who has devoted her life to the pursuit of knowledge and is dedicated to bettering the lives of women near and far. 

You teach your class “Issues in Human Sexuality”.  How would you define Human Sexuality in today’s world?  Has it changed?

That is a critical series of questions which get to the heart of contemporary human sexuality. The discipline is both inclusive and intersectional today.

To explain this, let me reference the middle of the last century, prior to feminist movements, when we discussed human sexuality in a biological sense as either gender or sex – they were the same thing – or sexual behavior, not both. The topic was essentialist in its description and the way in which it was treated. For example, men had minimum reproductive responsibilities while women were burdened by all sexual labor. Women had to think of pregnancy, pregnancy prevention and social implications of having sex regardless of marital status. Men and women had specific gender roles and therefore imposed sexual functions. 

In my class, human sexuality necessarily takes on a different tenor. It is impossible to make sexual labor discretely gendered or solely based on behavior and decisions. It is ultimately the examination of both biology and erotic impulse rooted in culture, race, ethnicity, religion, ability, sexual orientation, age, health, socioeconomic status and anything that might influence how human sexuality is understood.

Any Misconceptions in Human Sexuality?

A common misconception in my classroom is when self-identified women suggest assuming behaviors traditionally prescribed to heterosexual men – indifference, dispassion and sexual animalism – liberates women from stigma and dogmatic ideologies of women as “sluts.” 

I invariably ask the question, ‘are we complicit in our own diminishment and are we relinquishing our uniqueness just to say we can do it like a man?’ I disagree with that approach. Women are not a different version of men, we are women. There is no comparison to be made, period.

What are some of the biggest issues today regarding human sexuality and women’s rights?

Don’t get me started. I believe over time, generations have come to believe that the hard-earned rights conferred upon us by historic women’s movements have no real relevance for them.

The accomplishments of civil rights have little application for them beyond women’s month and Black History month because they were born into a society where everyone appears to have equal rights based on gender, ability and religion, for example.  

They attend integrated schools and everyone can have a mobile device. They have little idea of how we got here and to whom we owe this enormous debt. 

Reproductive rights and voting rights are treated as settled and reconciled and forever available to us. Not so. 

I am a transnational and understand well that I am a beneficiary of the work of Shirley Chisolm, Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Angela Davis, Hilary Clinton, Marge Piercy and Audre Lorde and every woman who gave up some part of their lives in exchange for commitment to freedoms I enjoy, well before I came to this country. 

I understand the right of women to vote, the right to choose to terminate or keep a pregnancy, the right to marry or not marry, the ability to apply for credit and the privilege of holding a driver’s license as quantifiable details that were not an absolute for women once upon a time. 

The Equal Rights Amendment is still in a state of purgatory in sixteen states in the US and conservatives insist on re-litigating Roe v Wade in states that are anxious to see women in a state of political paralysis because “the personal is political.” 

In fact, everything we do in the name of feminism and civil rights associated with it requires maintenance. Like everything else, women’s rights need attention to ensure an enduring survival. And these are just the issues that keep me up at night. 

The point I want to highlight is that women’s issues are never resolved. We keep having to fight to be acknowledged as equal human beings to men and some women who insist our existence should not be an equitable one. A peculiar chronic practice of gendered colonization.

What does Feminism mean to you?

I am consistent with my response that I am an unapologetic, über feminist. 

Feminism to me is conceding that oppression based on gender exists and as a society we have a fundamental responsibility to call it out and work to lessen its effects on everyone.  

Gender oppression does not only impact the immediately oppressed human but also everyone in that person’s orbit. The oppression of women also extends to any group that oppressors feel are consistent with characteristics of women. 

Think of the phrases “runs like a girl” or “plays with dolls.” Those descriptions are not often positive associations. It is not okay to use behavior connected with women as a form of insult to women and others. It is maddening. 

My generation’s brand of feminism isn’t reactionary but practical and concrete. We had the advantage of the baby boomers’ fights to get us to this place. Feminism as a negligible symbol, reflects our collective neglect of, and amnesia about its achievements. 

We stopped thinking about feminism as something that is incomplete for women. Feminism is not just wearing what we want to or the right to act or speak “like a man” or defining ourselves in relation to men.

If you had a magic wand, what would you like to see changed for women?

A female US president, equal pay for equal work for women, and a critical awareness for all girls and women that we must still work toward a just and equitable world for ourselves. Our lives and civil rights depend on our engagement.

What does being a Babe With The Power mean to you?

Power conferred by other women is real and collaborative power and the mark of competence. It is not a site of arbitrary oppression but one of a collective meant to be shared. As an educator, I hope my students will surpass my scholarship, and I use my influence to guide them to that place. Intellectuality and knowledge are currency for women.

What are some of your favorite feminist books, songs, podcasts and influencers as we focus on Women's History Month?

I must say that I do not follow any social media “influencers” but I think we follow social media and influencers because we are hopeful about the world in which we live. That said, I will recommend two in each category because this list can get very long.

Read anything by Chimimanda Ngozi Adichie but especially, We Should all be Feminists and Simone deBeauvoir’s The Second Sex, written in 1949 still has resonance for today because it argued that man is considered the default, while woman is considered the “Other:” so humanity is male and man defines woman not as herself but as relative to him. It is impactful as an historical text.

Listen to Sara Tavares’ Balance – she is a powerful and soulful musician and singer. Even if you do not understand Portuguese, the power is in one’s individual interpretation of her music. And, listen to Alanis Morrisette’s Jagged Little Pill and see the Broadway show by the same name. 

I have some interest in this so I recommend listening to the LiveGirl podcasts. The organization invests in young girls from middle school to high school by creating a collaborative space for all girls. The organization’s mission is to empower and equip the next generation of brave, inclusive leaders.

I am not sure if Krista Tippett considers herself a feminist but I listen to her “On Being” programs and podcasts. The program challenges me to constantly reexamine my moral compass and intellectual capacity for thought diversity.

Dr. Vida Samuel is an Assistant Professor in Residence in the Department of Human Development and Family Sciences at the University of Connecticut’s Stamford campus. Prior to teaching and researching at UConn, she earned a Masters of Arts in speech and interpersonal communication from New York University, then went on to earn a PhD with a focus in intercultural communication and women’s studies at Howard University. Through her work since, she has served on panels that have sparked conversations surrounding feminism, and has edited books exploring Black culture (and this is all in addition to her teaching and research!) More recently, Vida serves on the board of LiveGirl, is on the scholarship evaluation committee for the Mandela-Washington Fellows program and, as an academic mentor for the annual Jackie Robinson Foundation Mentoring and Leadership Conference.

About The Author

Inventor of The WaterSlyde, a revolutionary, patented feminine hygiene device / stimulator, and co-owner of Lovability, Maureen Pollack believes in removing the stigma surrounding sexual health and personal hygiene. She is also an intimacy coach, helping empower women in all stages of life to embrace intimacy through coaching and lifestyle products. A book and feature film about Maureen’s journey as a “mompreneur” are currently in pre-production.

Throughout my journey of creating The WaterSlyde, several women have given me their support, knowledge and guidance. One of the most influential women to whom I am utterly grateful is Casey Murphy.

Okay, I’ll just say it: I love her. Casey has over 12 years of experience in the adult novelty industry. She has a plethora of knowledge of almost every sex toy created – and the business behind them. She’s also guided many women throughout different stages of their careers, and I can say with confidence that I wouldn’t be where I am today without her.

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Casey to talk about her journey, and am excited – especially for all you entrepreneurs out there – to share our conversation.  

Tell us a little about your story. How’d you get started?

In a nutshell, my story goes from pleasure products industry employee, to pleasure products small business owner/entrepreneur, to pleasure products business expert!

My job experience in the sex toy industry, which I entered in 2005, has primarily included marketing and sales roles. Within these positions at sex toy manufacturers and distributors, I acquired experience with the sex toy making, product education (recurring – that never stops), sex toy consumer trends, niche markets (BDSM in particular) packaging and quality control, retail/B2C business strategy, event coordination, and so much more!

In 2017, I was working in sales for a sex toy distributor. My job was to sell relevant pleasure brands and products to my customers – retail, online, home, party, sex toy store owners, etc. But I felt most fulfilled when I had the opportunity to offer advice on how to grow their business – and compete. 

Some of my customers at that time were long-time pleasure product business owners; others were just getting businesses off the ground. Having these conversations – and hearing excitement in their voices and knowing the ‘lightbulb’ had just gone off when I would suggest a marketing opportunity, or explain SEO, or share social media strategy tips – showed me that I had much more knowledge than I realized.

Being a source of creative inspiration and critical insight to my customers started to shed light on a different life purpose that I would eventually pursue. Recognizing my ability to help even well-seasoned industry veterans re-invent their businesses gave me the confidence to start my own business. 

And so The Pleasure Parlor was born???

Yes! In November of 2017, I created The Pleasure Parlor — an online boutique, pop-up shop and a body-positive, sex-positive space for women to learn about different modalities of pleasure. I learned how to build my website from the ground up. Implemented the SEO strategy that I had been taught years before. Wrote my own content and product descriptions from the heart; taught myself Photoshop slowly. I did everything my way. I had nothing to lose and wanted to believe that my business could be successful without following anyone else’s formula.

I wanted to parlay my experience into multiple business models under the Pleasure Parlor umbrella. I declared the Pleasure Parlor as a traveling pop-up shop and subscription box business as well, and made those things happen by making different connections, utilizing my creativity, and – finally – sheer force of will. 

We’ve all faced challenges, seemingly from every direction, though those moments often sever as inspiration. How about you?

When I started out, I felt that I had to prove to my semi-conservative family that it wasn’t ‘bad’. Let’s be real…there will always be someone who cringes when they hear the words ‘sex toy’. Those two words are (still) never muttered at the family dinner table. We don’t even really talk about anything pertaining to my job/industry…and all this time, I’ve just wanted to scream “WHAT IS EVERYONE SO F&%$#@* AFRAID OF?!”

That mission evolved into wanting to slay the stigma around sex, pleasure, and everything in-between on a larger scale. So I geared the Pleasure Parlor towards femmes and couples who were interested in exploration BUT needed ‘permission’ from someone else. I wanted to be that person! So I poured my love and product knowledge into a curated selection of sex toys and kits that were accessible even for the most apprehensive individual/s.   

What led you into you to be a Pleasure Business Mentor. In fact, what is a pleasure business mentor?

After two successful years of being in business online, I’ve started to re-focus my efforts on helping other women build unique pleasure-centered businesses from the ground up – usually with zero resources. Starting and running a business demands way more personal growth and mindset shifting than one might imagine. Even though I had more industry knowledge than the average entrepreneur when I started, that was only a fraction of what I needed to push through the challenges and personal limitations that surfaced. Mindset techniques were invaluable getting over those limitations, and I love incorporating them into work with clients now.

So, to make a short story long, I consider myself a mentor who shows femmes how to build purposeful and profitable pleasure-based businesses, whether e-commerce, brick-and-mortar, or otherwise. Especially for those who don’t consider themselves entrepreneurs in this industry yet. 

When people first hire you as a pleasure business coach, what kind of questions do you get? 

The most common question is “how do I _____?” — fill in the blank!

“How do I….start a website. Grow my social media. Find the right products. Price products and shipping on my website. Host a pop-up shop. Work with influencers. Stay up-to-date on industry trends. Launch my business. Get exposure.” The list goes on and on…

Truth be told, those answers are not impossible to find. Everything that I was equipped with originally, I had to figure out on my own, as did most grassroots entrepreneurs. Google is your friend – pretty much anything you are looking for can be found online.

Self-learning on Google can also send you down that rabbit hole. What do you do you stay on track?

The primary benefit of working with a mentor is that you’re receiving all of their prior hard work and time – years spent learning – wrapped up into a step-by-step roadmap. Additionally, a lot of first-time business owners think it’s just a matter of getting from point A to point B; checking one goal off the list and moving to the next. But in reality, it’s not that easy to get from one point to the other.

Our minds want to tell us we’re going to fail – that we don’t have the time; that it’s all pointless. A great mentor / coach recognizes the power of your vision every day, and should be there to guide you through the recurring limiting beliefs. Ninety-five percent (95%) of online pleasure products entrepreneurs give up because they don’t see web sales within the first three months. That is, if they don’t give up before even launching.

The adult pleasure market is oversaturated, so you have to be committed: to the long-haul as a business owner, and to executing your idea fearlessly – no matter how dim the outlook may seem. It’s not always going to be easy, but working with someone experienced who can show you the ropes — and simultaneously remind you of your brilliance when you want to give up — is often an invaluable part of the process. 

What first drew you to the pleasure products / adult novelty industry? 

I didn’t have my sights set on it at all and fell into this industry by chance. A friend I was playing roller derby with in 2005 mentioned an opening at her company, XBIZ, in the advertising department. At the time, I had no experience in advertising and I DEFINITELY wasn’t seeking a job in this business. It just ended up happening.

I was a journalism major and had worked at Universal Music / Interscope Records. But I’m an open-minded person and wanted to learn the advertising/publishing aspect of it. So I gladly accepted the position…without having any idea that it would lead me to where I am now.

It’s a complete trip to think about this journey hindsight. If I ever doubted the universe, I don’t anymore. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. And for that I wake up grateful every damn day to be here, building my own businesses after an amazing 15-year journey down the (x-rated) rabbit hole.  

You must almost consider yourself one of the early female pioneers?

That is very kind of you to say! I hadn’t really considered myself a pioneer. I’ve been in the industry since 2005, but have always just been plugging away in the background — writing, marketing, sales, whatever was needed, ya know?

In 2009 I was working for a French novelty brand which was new to the space, and I spent two years helping them break into the US market. Their main product didn’t vibrate! That was a super hard sell for a minute, haha! But it eventually caught on , and that year XBIZ created a category at their awards show for “Best Non-Powered Product” – which we won!

I’m no Susan Colvin, but I feel like that was an awesome achievement. Non-vibrating sex toys were considered overlooked (and underrated) prior to that.  

There are so many sex toys on the market. What are some of the most important features you would advise consumers to consider? 

Well, sex toys aren’t one-size-fits all by any means, so a specific feature to one person may be irrelevant to the next person. Purchasing sex toys is a very intimate process, so I’d suggest starting with personal preferences.

The initial question I always ask first-time consumers with vulvas is “do you prefer external or internal stimulation?” From there, “how sensitive are you to vibration? Are you looking for a toy with deep and rumbly vibrations, or ultra buzzy vibrations? Do you prefer direct clitoral stimulation – a Le Wand massager for example – or indirect contact stimulation, such as the Womanizer’s ‘Air Pulse’ technology?”

For me personally, body-safe materials regarding toys is nonnegotiable; silicone, glass, wood or stainless steel, for example. With condoms and lubricants, it’s avoiding artificial ingredients, so stay clear of glycerin, parabens, fragrances and dyes!

We met on Instagram when you reached out about The WaterSlyde. I’m forever grateful for your support!

The WaterSlyde caught my eye immediately because it was sooo different than anything I’d seen in my previous 12 years in this industry. The industry is such a bubble sometimes. Manufacturers struggle to see anything beyond what is right in front of them. We all get caught up in creating “the next best thing.” Truth be told, 75% of the sex toy industry is re-inventing the wheel – and when I say ‘wheel’’, I mean the ‘rabbit vibrator’!

The WaterSlyde was genius because it centers around a very, VERY common method of self-pleasure – the bathtub technique – and doesn’t require any bells and whistles to resonate with consumers. I was like ‘wow, this is so simple and obvious, I can’t believe it hasn’t been created before….’ And again, that really has everything to do with you being an inventor from outside the industry.

Needless to say, I loved it immediately – even wrote about it – and wanted it to succeed. So I took a look at the ribbon to see how it was constructed and, yes, messaged you on Instagram out of the blue!! I kept thinking, “She’s totally onto something…this product has huge potential, and I want it to be perfect when she brings it to market!”

From there, our friendship was born.  Learning about the time and energy that went in to simply choosing the right ribbon – among other things, I was eager to get you as much as exposure as possible. The WaterSlyde deserves all of the credit, love and affection in the world!

Where do you see the industry going in the next 5 years? 

Into the future, baby! I see even more tech entering the space. I see product design becoming much more refined; sleek simplicity meets high efficiency (see Lora DiCarlo and the “blended orgasm”). I also see business models and priorities shifting focus from creating objects – pleasure products – to more experiences, I hope. I see an intriguing integration with mainstream on the horizon; more overall acceptance on a social level.

As far as media and censorship…that remains to be seen, but I’m really, really trying to stay optimistic. Let’s hope someone will soon develop a safe space for sex wellness brands, fans and consumers to engage in an Instagram-style atmosphere. It’d be mixed with a marketplace without the rules and regulations that we are constantly navigating on a day-to-day basis right now. Wouldn’t that be extraordinary?!

What does it mean to you to be a Babe With The Power?

Being a Babe With The Power means continuing to walk through the fire despite how broken or lost we might feel; and, ultimately, having the courage to let your passions burn brighter than your fear. 

I was going through old journals a couple weeks ago and found an entry from 2002 when I was really struggling with life: “I know I am driven and powerful. I just need to work on getting out of this place, and getting to where I need to be.” At the time, I didn’t feel powerful in any capacity, and I had no game plan whatsoever.

And I was like, “wow, somewhere during that time, I found my power. My self-worth. My purpose. And it happened when I wasn’t even looking.”

After re-reading that entry, all of my frustrations, failures, growth, learning experiences and accomplishments since that day flashed through my mind. And I was like, “wow, somewhere during that time, I found my power. My self-worth. My purpose. And it happened when I wasn’t even looking.”

I know how much positive impact you had on me. How about the mentor(s) who helped you along the way?

Thank you! Yes, I’ve had SO MANY mentors.

• Alec Helmy at XBIZ gave me my first opportunity in this industry. From there I was able to learn every aspect of the adult business – the video/DVD side (way back when), affiliate world, and novelty.

• From there, working directly with Mike Herman (former President of Stockroom). He taught me everything I know about SEO and e-commerce, as well as instilling me with so much confidence. The man is a genius, and he has always praised my creative abilities.

• Autumn O’Bryan (formerly SexToy.com) is an all-around badass bitch. She’s a real-life superhero who can literally do anything. Her mindset really inspires me.

• Dr. Sadie Allison (TickleKitty) pushed me to learn and write about topics that I otherwise wouldn’t have explored.

• David Joseph (formerly Red Light District). He’s an AVN Hall-Of-Famer, has owned multiple big businesses, and has the biggest heart I know.

They are all knowledge-seekers. Community creators. They want everyone to succeed: their employees, their colleagues, their consumers. They all bring out the best in their employees by expressing appreciation, and by doing so they make coming to work every day a valuable and fulfilling experience.

On a certain level, I feel like many of those who have landed in this industry have been misfits in life. That’s what makes the bond in our community as special as it is. 

You’ve been a wonderful friend and advisor for me for the past 3 years. Thank you. So, what’s next for you?

I’m still working hard on my online boutique, thepleasureparlor.com, but I’m in the process of building my creative consulting website – stay tuned!!!

About The Author

Inventor of The WaterSlyde, a revolutionary, patented feminine hygiene device / stimulator, and co-owner of Lovability, Maureen Pollack believes in removing the stigma surrounding sexual health and personal hygiene. She is also an intimacy coach, helping empower women in all stages of life to embrace intimacy through coaching and lifestyle products. A book and feature film about Maureen’s journey as a “mompreneur” are currently in pre-production.

There’s a million different ways to get an important dialogue started and get the world to pay attention, though perhaps none better than by taking people’s breath away with a laugh! On sex and dating, Manhattan-based comedian Mary Beth Barone has a lot to say.

Self-proclaimed “America’s Stepdaughter,” and also known as a “deadpan darling,” Mary Beth has blessed the New York comedy scene with her keen and hard-earned insights. At only 28, she’s already secured a stand-up residency at PUBLIC Hotel NYC, been named one of Comedy Central’s Up Next, seen on Viceland and Double Homicide, and been featured in Forbes and Buzzfeed (to name a few).  She’s a young voice for women, killing the game in a male dominated field.

Among Mary Beth’s many projects is Drag His Ass: A Fuckboy Treatment Program, a live, stand-up show she created and hosts about fuckboys. As we all know, fuckboys come in many forms. Can’t you just picture him? Clarks laced up, vape in hand, cockiness gushing out of his pores? His IG feed is bursting at the seams there are so many half-naked babes on there, and he only seems to remember your number at 2:47am?

Odds are, you’ve dealt with a fuckboy before. All stereotypes aside, we know these dudes. They’re disrespectful. They’re deceiving. They might even believe they’re honest about their intentions, but they play with your feelings and prioritize their cumming over your well-being.

To hear more about Mary Beth’s approach to fuckboys, her motivations in comedy, and the hurdles she’s faced, we sat down to ask her a few questions.

Tell us about your show, Drag His Ass: A Fuckboy Treatment Program?

Drag His Ass is a fuckboy treatment program. I originally started the show to talk about my process of getting over my fuckboy addiction (a six-step process! you can find out more about at my shows). And then I decided to invite other comedians to come on to talk about their experiences with fuckboys.

The first show was these other comedians and I telling our sides of each story, but for the second show, I had a fuckboy come on stage and we did a fuckboy redemption. THAT was a lot of fun, so every show since then we’ve had the redemption as the final segment. And it’s so great! We really do want to create a community, and to bring people together over not such a fun topic.

• 

What’s the audience like for the show?

The audience is usually a lot of women, and a lot of gay guys, but for the last few shows, as word’s gotten out, more straight guys are trickling in. I think it’s a good point of entry for everyone to learn about the topic because, although we are dragging people, what I say in the show is that a fuckboy can look like anything. We’re not just dragging straight dudes: anyone can be in the line of fire!

I feel so lucky to have such a great group of people that come and support the show, because it really sets the tone and lets the comedians have fun with what they’re doing. We do it in New York and in LA, so look out for dates in 2020. 

What’s your message with these shows?

From what I’ve seen, after years of experience with dating and fuckboys, I don’t think anyone on either side is having fun. The fuckboys aren’t really feeling fulfilled, and the victims of fuckboys aren’t having fun either.

So what I would like to do is try to help heal dating in general, because I feel like we’ve lost the plot a little bit. Dating should be fun, and it hasn’t been for me in a long time. There just seems to be a lot of tension and anxiety surrounding dating nowadays. I’m sure it’s exacerbated by things like texting and social media. In general, we all need to do better.

Can anyone *really* rehabilitate a fuckboy?

I think so, but they have to want to change. My approach with rehabilitating fuckboys has been a lot of communication and unpacking their habits: what makes them this way? Are they really happy with their dating life as it is now? 

I can put in hours and hours of work, and hold people accountable, but if they themselves don’t want to change, then they’re not going to. It has to start with them. And I think a part of that could be not hooking up with them, because people have no incentive to change if they’re going to keep getting what they want.  

What inspired you to speak out about fuckboys?

I’ve had a lot of experience with fuckboys. I’ve been single for three-and-a-half years, so I’ve been on a lot of dates and I’ve hooked up with a lot of bad people – some good ones, but a lot of bad ones. At a certain point, I just said, “you know what, I can’t do this anymore.”

As a babe with the power, I decided that I don’t have to let things happen to me; I can be in control of who I’m letting into my life. So I decided I wasn’t going to let fuckboys in anymore. And I’ve been doing that for about eight months. You know, I’ve relapsed a couple times, but in general, I feel like I’m in a good place with my “addiction” and I’m just trying to stay focused on what’s important.

Any advice or words of wisdom you could give on navigating the dating scene or relationships?

You’ve got to know what you’re looking for, know what you want, and always be checking in with yourself. In the past I’ve kind of wavered on what I’m looking for. At the beginning of this year, I thought I wanted to be in a relationship, and then for a long time, I thought I didn’t. And now I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for. But it’s really hard to be in a good dynamic with someone if you don’t know what you want out of it. And that’s something I’ve definitely struggled with.

What helps me in those situations is making sure to communicate. Like I said, you want to be checking in with yourself, but also checking in with the other person. If you’re making your feelings known and you’re putting yourself out there, which can be really hard to do, you’re being upfront with the person and that’s what’s important.  

So fuckboys and dating aside, are you yourself out to break any stigmas?

Just being a woman in comedy, there’s inherently stigmas, because people think that women aren’t funny. That’s so crazy to me. How could you say that half of the population just isn’t funny? Being a woman in comedy is kind of an act of resistance. There’s a lot of pressure that comes along with it, you have to make sure you’re always at your best. That’s something I’m happy to take on because I’m not scared of a challenge, it’s like, okay, bring it on.

Speaking of stigmas, how do you feel about stigmas around women who are sexually active and carry condoms?

I think that women who are sexually active or just want to be prepared at all times should definitely carry condoms. That way, there’s no excuse to not be safe. Being sexually active is amazing. You’re in control and you want to make sure that you are always taking every precaution and having safe sex.

What does being a Babe with the Power mean to you?

Being a Babe with the Power means that I’m in control…which I love, because I have control issues. I like when everything’s organized and in its place. Life doesn’t always work out that way. There’s all these gatekeepers and barriers we have to overcome, especially as women, but it’s important to remember that we should take charge of everything that’s in our control.

Thanks to Mary Beth for catching up with us, and we’re excited to follow her on her hard-earned and hilarious journey! For more on Mary Beth and her various projects, check out her website or follow her on Instagram @marybethbarone.

Got any good dating or fuckboy stories of your own? We’d love to hear them (and possibly share them in a future post). Xx

About the Author

A sophomore at New York University currently studying Gender and Sexuality Studies, Tara Jones (@tara.michaela on Instagram) hopes to get her Masters in Human Sexuality and go into either sex therapy or sex education. She wants to bring attention to how injustice manifests in sexual interactions and the orgasm gap. In Tara’s free time, she runs a small business designing and creating swimwear (@bytaraj on Instagram).

While all the stores are decking out for Valentine’s Day, we’re equally excited for Galentine's Day...

What is Galentine's Day?

For those of you who are out of the loop on this fabulous holiday, Galentine’s Day is celebrated on February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day, to celebrate the love you share for your ladies (or any other platonic pals in your life).

The unofficial holiday debuted in 2010 on Parks and Recreation’s sophomore season. Goddess and glorious female warrior Leslie Knope created Galentine’s Day to treat her ladies to waffles and her signature undying love. According to Leslie, “It’s like Lilith Fair, minus the angst. Plus frittatas.”

10 years later, Galentine’s Day is a real holiday during which women get together for brunch or post-work cocktails to shower each other with affection in a boyfriend-, husband-, and partner-free setting.

So this year, we’re using Galentine’s Day as a celebration of self-love. While Valentine’s Day is for couples, Galentine’s Day is for everybody!

Gift Ideas For Your Favorite Galentine

Thinking about celebrating Galentine’s Day this year? Check out our list to treat yo’ self or the poetic and noble land-mermaid in your life. 

Emily McDowell Sassy Valentine’s Day Cards 

Don’t you miss your elementary school days when you could give everyone you knew — from besties to crushes — a cute Valentine’s Day card? As an adult, it feels like the cards you find at the drugstore are excessively mushy, only reserved for long-time couples.

Emily McDowell & Friends offer a wide range of Galentine’s Day cards, including ones to gift your gals. Whether you need to give your single friend a boost of confidence, give thanks to your ride or die, or celebrate the many benefits of friend love, Emily McDowell has you covered. And for those of you who do want to celebrate romance this Valentine’s Day, there are cards for Valentine’s Day, too, including ones for the one who melted your cold heart or the one who you’re not dating but not not-dating but still need to show appreciation for.

The WaterSlyde

The Waterslyde, the latest addition to our product lineup, is an intimidation-free way to encourage your girl friends to practice self care and self pleasure. Whether your gifting it to your friend who is a pleasure product newbie or your pal whose drawer looks like a sex shop, the Waterslyde is great for starting out or switching things up. The Waterslyde is a water-diverter that can be used to practice the self-pleasure bathtub technique, to test something new during foreplay with a partner, or to practice genital hygiene. Give your gal the tool to help her ride the waves of self-love and self-pleasure! 

Nasty Woman Wines Boss Lady Bubbles 

What’s better than sharing a bottle of wine with your galentines? How about sharing a bottle  of wine that gives back to women in leadership? Nasty Woman Wines is a woman-owned wine company that donates 20% of their net profits to help get more women in policy and leadership. We think their Boss Lady Bubbles, a sparkler made with Riesling and a touch of Muscat, will bring the perfect amount of sophisticated fun to your Galentine’s Day festivities. Nasty Woman Wines recommends pairing this bubbly bottle with cheese, so get your gals together, whip up an instagramable charcuterie board, and enjoy the whole bottle with your babes. 

Vida Kush “Nobody” Nameplate Necklace 

Sometimes Valentine’s Day is best celebrated solo. If your bestie is an independent woman with a dry sense of humor, this gift is perfect for her. Vida Kush, an offbeat LA jewelry company, offers the perfect line of nameplate necklaces to let your gal keep her favorite mantra close. We’re especially in love with this “Nobody” necklace, which will help your friend send the message that her heart belongs to no one (except herself, of course). 

Rebel Soul Collective T-Shirt 

Has your girl been feeling down about her love life lately? Is she an absolute badass and needs to be reminded? Gift her with this “Strong Women Intimidate Boys… and Excite Men” tee from Rebel Soul Collective. This shirt is the ultimate unapologetic “boy, bye” to all the fuck boys who didn’t see your girl for the boss babe she is. To make things even better, Rebel Soul Collective offers custom t-shirt cropping services if you or your friend prefer a fun and sexy fit. To make sure the message of this tee really makes an impact, pair this gift with our Fuckboy Repellent body spray or a night out at a Drag His Ass show.

Lorals

As a pro-empowerment brand, we know how hard it can be to find quality sex supplies that don’t feel like they’re getting in the way of having a good time. Lorals, one of our friends in the sexual wellness world, offers thin latex panties that may have you or your friends saying “Yes, please!” to oral sex more often. Lorals can be used to prevent chafing, to save bedsheets during period sex, to make people feel more comfortable if they don’t want to be fully exposed, and to allow to explore healthy anal play.

Personally, we think there’s no greater gift than the gift of feeling 100% comfortable during oral. While you’re ordering a pack of Lorals for your gals, definitely order one for yourself to try out with your partner(s)!

Fred and Far Pinky Ring 

Waiting for an engagement ring for Valentine’s Day is sooo last year. This year, gift your bestie — or yourself — with this self love pinky ring from Fred and Far. Fred and Far’s line of pinky rings serve as a symbol of commitment to self love and come with a pinky promise pact including mantras to vow to always practice self love. We all know that pinky promises are incredibly unbreakable, so making a pact for self love is definitely something we can stand behind.

Whether you’re deciding to make this commitment to yourself, or encouraging your bestie to make the pact, Galentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to start a self love journey. 

When your bestie doesn’t know what Galentine’s Day is:

So whether you’re celebrating Galentine’s Day, Valentine’s Day, or both, enjoy yourself and practice self-love all year! Stay tuned for more self-love content coming to you throughout February! 

And, as always, if you have other feminist brand and products you love and want to recommend, leave us a comment and we’ll do our best to feature them in future Purse Perfect gift guides!

About The Author

Bailey Shea (@baileykshea on Instagram) is a recent graduate of the University of Connecticut, having received a Bachelor of Arts in English and Communication with a minor in Women’s Studies. She is a strong feminist who hopes to use her future career in publishing and marketing to magnify unheard voices. Outside the writing world, Bailey is an aspiring powerlifter, the human embodiment of a sunflower, and a Taco Bell connoisseur. You can find more of her work at baileykshea.com.

All around us, Generation Z is awakening. Armed with a burning desire for change, voices speak from every corner of the world saying just about anything and everything there is to say. So, in this rapid-fire age of information, young creatives are asking, how do we make sure that we’re heard?

If we refine our global perspective to one of the most chaotic cities in the world, and further, to one of the most chaotic industries in the world, we’ll find two Gen Z creatives hellbent on sharing their message. 

Amelia Baker and Mackenzie Munro, co-founders of the Los Angeles-based production company, Blonde Mamba Productions, are cool. They’re trendy. They’re strong. They’re perfectly Gen Z. And they’re undertaking powerful social projects like it’s their day job. Because it is.

The pair met at the world-renowned Cannes Film Festival as teenagers. Amelia was debuting her Stephen King short film, “All That You Love Will Be Carried Away”, and Mackenzie was showing a short film that she had written, directed and produced called “LOVE COINKY DINK”. Both films went on to garner numerous awards internationally, and – after following their own paths – the two would eventually become business partners. 

With matching tattoos that christened their journey as friends, and while lovingly referring to one another as “wifey”, this dynamic duo sat down with us to share their story, the challenges they face as women in the film industry, and their projects to break stigmas and create meaningful change – most recently, taking on The Pink Tax.

How’d you two meet?

Amelia: Mackenzie and I both grew up on set. The first thing I produced was a short film by writer Stephen King. During the writing process, the director and I turned the protagonist from male to female, and we managed to cold call and win over an incredible actress named Lesley Sharp. That film, All That You Love Will Be Carried Away, ended up going to the Cannes Film Festival, which is where I met Mackenzie.

Mackenzie: Our parents had previously introduced us by email, so our first meet-up was essentially a business blind date! We absolutely hit it off. Within 24 hours, we had matching tattoos.

You’re tackling some big issues. Where's that motivation coming from?

Mackenzie: It’s a little bit of a story for me. So here goes.

Film school is an important first step in building a career in the film industry – as university is to most areas of study. Students are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to take what they will learn in school and develop it into a successful and happy career. 

So you’re entering film school because you want to be a writer, cinematographer, producer, director, sound, crew. What if you’re told you can’t do something because of your gender? That you can’t hold a three-pound camera because you’re a woman. That, if you want to explore the art of cinematography, where you need to operate a camera (hello?), you first have to sign a contract obligating you to pay for the camera if you break it. (Hunny, that’s 10k you wish you had). That there’s an even higher chance you’ll break it, because – in this particular project – there’s running involved. So now its “super high risk” to have a woman holding the camera while she’s running, right? And, oh, it doesn’t end there. The female professor doesn’t know how to handle the situation, so she does NOTHING and tells you to figure out how to achieve 50% of your overall mark with less than two weeks to go in some other way!

I reached out to the head of the department to discuss it, but never heard anything back. I was ignored. I was the problem.

Not cool. What kept you going?

Mackenzie: Luckily for me, I was raised by a boss lady filmmaker mom in the film industry, and I’ve been keen to pursue a career in film since the age of 8. She showed me to ignore. To continue. To kill them with kindness. And to bring the best damn running shoes you got. So I did, and that little film I made inside two weeks? It changed my life. I want to address a major problem here. Gender inequality is a problem for Hollywood, but – of course – it’s a significant problem everywhere. It happened to me and may still be happening at my university and others in Canada and the rest of the world. 

So I’ve been growing a thick skin from the day I stood next to my mom on set. But what if I wasn’t? What if I was just eager to go into the industry I loved without having a clue about the way it works? If I experienced that situation, without having an idea of what was coming, I probably would have shriveled up and dropped out. 

It must change. Not just at the top, but also at the beginning, especially in those first years — that first impression.

So you guys reconnected and decided to launch Blonde Mamba Productions in 2018. What’s the mission behind it?

Mackenzie: Our motto is “what doesn’t kill you gives you content” which is in parallel to our mission of going out and finding the story’s core truth. Everyone can sniff a lie — even in film and television​.​ It’s time the voices that have been shushed are heard, and we are the ones who want to tell it. 

Our motto is “what doesn’t kill you gives you content”

Do you have a different or unique approach to creating content? What’s the latest project?

Amelia: At Blonde Mamba, we don’t just believe in telling stories; rather, we build worlds with authentic perspectives and genuine voices. Not only does our slate revolve around issues of social impact, such as feminism, mental health and homelessness, but we strive to provide a powerful platform for young creatives. 

Mackenzie: An example is Pink Tax, a show mixing Broad City and the Women’s March. Instead of making a traditional 2D show, we wanted to blend in community and action. So, we’re making an immersive room series around the issues women face, and ‘vignettes’ with different brands, to get the Pink Tax message out worldwide. 

What got you into working on the Pink Tax issue?

Mackenzie: ​I was in the shaving aisle looking for the pink razor I usually go for. On my way there, a men’s vibrating razor caught my attention (probably because it was a ​vibrating ​razor; sounds fun, right?). And I picked it up to check it out a bit more, thinking to myself, I wish I had a beard to try this out on. Then when I went to grab the pink razor, I took a second look at the price and realized it was almost double the price of the vibrating razor. I couldn’t help but question: What? How? Who? So I thought, okay, I’ll buy the vibrating razor and try it out. To my surprise, I came out of the shower feeling like a smooth goddess that just awoke from some bad dream about the many pink razors that have constantly cut and irritated me, and even worse—the terrifying amount of money I’d wasted on all of them. 

Why do you think we’re hearing more and more about the Pink Tax?  

Amelia: This issue secretly affects all women on a daily basis! Spanning multiple industries, women lose about $1,350 to the Pink Tax annually. 

How do you think your work with the Pink Tax has larger social implications? 

Mackenzie: We hope to ​bring awareness to women across the globe that they’re being duped and robbed every day because of their gender. We want to get the proposed Equal Rights Amendment in the U.S. Constitution to completely eliminate the gender pay gap, in hopes of accomplishing a massive ripple effect to full-on gender and racial equality in our world. 

What is your experience as a woman in your industry? What are some of the biggest challenges you face? 

Mackenzie: As a woman in the film industry, and also as a daughter to woman in the industry, I’ve almost seen or heard it all. Amelia and myself have both been caught in plenty of #metoo situations, and continue to be extra cautious before going in any meeting room. It’s tough. But teaming up together was the best decision because anything we face, we face it together. Funny enough, even together, we face some of the strangest/most demeaning situations (from men and women, by the way).

Do you see change happening in the industry? 

Mackenzie: Definitely, more so in the way people are consuming content. In terms of diversity in the industry, it’s definitely shifting. Except, there’s still a large gap. And people are stuck trying to just “tick boxes,” which is very wrong and against the purpose. 

A​melia: I actually just saw ‘HoneyBoy’ last night – which is about Shia LaBeof’s relationship with his dad. The film is directed by a woman, Alma Har’el AND the cinematographer is also a female, Natasha Braier… a double whammy – which is SO awesome to see right now. 

What does power mean to you? What does being a “Babe with the Power” mean to you? 

Amelia: Power is an incredible force. Though sometimes polarizing, power can also unite, excite and inspire. A wonderful myriad of things, power includes opening someone’s mind, implementing change or simply staying true to yourself in the chaotic wild that is Los Angeles. 

Mackenzie: Being a Babe with the Power means loving one’s self, supporting others [especially women, go us!], and striving to create an explosive and inclusive space for collaboration, cultivation and expression. 

For more information on Amelia and Mackenzie’s projects, check out Blonde Mamba Productions. To learn more about its campaign against the Pink Tax, you can follow on Instagram and visit their website to join the movement.

Where have you seen the Pink Tax pop up in your own life? Let us know in the comments below.

Thinking about having a fun, sexy night out but worried of being judged? Check out our tips to make sure you're proudly prepared and all your decisions are shame and stigma-free!