Babe With The Power

Do we need a penis to have great sex? We're not against them, but let's explore if (or why) foreplay just may be the best part of sex and how men and women should slow down and spend more time on the pleasure journey.

Painless penetration – a longstanding challenge that turned into a game-changer for vulva owners experiencing painful intercourse. Emily Sauer imagined and then invented a cute little donut-looking device that goes over the shaft of a penis to help vulva owners experience pain-free intercourse – and Ohnut was born.  While developing Ohnut, she also co-founded the Lady Bits League and co-launched the Sexual Wellness Summit to connect people and professionals from all over the sexual health world through education and story. Like, wow!

I was very excited to have the opportunity to interview Emily and feature her in our Power Babes series. We’re fellow members of Women of Sex Tech, a super supportive group of sex-positive women, and we proudly share the distinction of inventing a product designed to break stigmas and help women maximize their pleasure 

I’m very pleased to share some of our conversation with all you.

What does it mean to you to be a Power Babe?

For me, being a Power Babe is about taking chances and adapting. When I started Ohnut, I didn’t have any background in business, hardware, manufacturing, or even pelvic health. I was a patient unwilling to settle for inaction. 

So, tell us about Ohnut. Why did you decide to create it?

The Ohnut idea was born in the passenger seat of a rental car, on a 2 hour car ride with an old co-worker named Pamela. See, for over 10 years I assumed that I was un-relatable in my experience of painful sex. With very little confidence I tried my best to figure out what was wrong, but everything pointed to nothing.

Doctors were dismissive, erotic websites boasted ‘bigger is better,’ and everyone else was having ‘the best orgasmic sex ever.’ Year after discouraging year, I had no idea that our medical institutions have historically revolved around the male biological template – ignoring women almost entirely – and that my questions about painful sex would be a nuisance to a doctor who has 15 minutes for an appointment, and who is equipped with a toolkit that pushes surgery and medication – over quality of life.

Something needed to change… and the idea of a pink frosted donut on a penis that could customize penetration depth – well, that felt like a delightful place to start.    

If you can change one thing in women’s health care what would it be? 

The lack of education and funding around women’s pelvic health, particularly around sex, has led an entire population to feel unsupported, ashamed, and unable to make empowered decisions about our health. It is up to our medical schools to teach our doctors how to comprehensively treat sexual and pelvic health with a multi-disciplinary approach, and it is up to our insurance companies to incentivize doctors based on quality of care while expanding pelvic health coverage beyond fertility. 

I love that you created a safe space for people to converse about all things sex and relationships.  What made you decide to create Lady Bits League? 

When I came up with the Ohnut idea, it was the first time I could confidently start the conversation about painful sex, sparking the realization that I had zero understanding of anyone’s sexual challenges other than my own. Once that conversation started – more and more people spoke up as feeling unsupported and un-relatable, in a completely relatable struggle.

My co-host Jenn Louie is an unparalleled moderator (she also founded Kinvite.co, a socially conscious event platform) and together we host a monthly roundtable of empowering women bravely redefining the normative narrative of female wellness. 

What’s one of your proudest moments?

I never thought it’d be so satisfying to give a voice to the disparities, possibilities, and business trends in Healthcare and Women’s Wellness, that are so often silenced by stigma and shame. It’s like detective work. I also live for creating catalysts for human connection and helping others explore their potential with a sense of hope – and the testimonials I receive generally result in minor heart explosions (with a side of tears) on a regular basis.

Who is a woman you look up to and why?

Right now, I am an enormous fan of Dr. Bertice Berry – a good friend of Oprah’s. She’s a sociologist, author, and educator who tells the most tear jerkingly affirmational stories about her struggles and triumphs as a black woman in America.

IG Live is a great place to follow her. She defies generalization and connects us all on a fundamentally human level. I highly recommend watching her videos if you’re in need of a little sense of hope.

Do you have any advice for aspiring entrepreneurs? 

If you’re passionate about your idea and are thinking about starting a business, start a conversation with your friends, family, and people on the street. The trick is to find out if it sparks action or emotion – if it helps people believe something in themselves that they didn’t think was possible. Whether or not you feel like you have the tools or the training to make the leap, if that validation is there – just keep going.

Thank you, Emily! Your vision and efforts are transforming the way women experience sex, and we can’t wait to see what you do next.

You can learn more about Emily and her amazing company at Ohnut.co and on social at @sauerhour and @thepelvicpeople. You can also request to join “the brave monthly conversation about all things sex and relationships” at LadyBitsLeague.com.

Over the last few years, you probably noticed the abundance of cannabis products hitting the shelves in nearly every store across the country, particularly in light of recent laws being passed in several states. When I saw these plant-based products hit shelves at my local supermarket, I had to check them out.

I’ve tried CBD topicals and lotions for sciatic pain and inflammation, used CBD capsules as a sleep aid, and have experimented with various methods and combinations of THC and CBD for anxiety; hell, I’ve even tried CBD doggy treats for the family dogs (which they LOVE btw). Every product I’ve tried has been really helpful, and so, more recently, I began to experiment with the combination of sex and cannabis; and boy, has it been revolutionary.

I’ve found that mixing cannabis with sex has changed my sex life by making me feel more present in my body and in the moment (which also makes it a whole lot easier to orgasm!!). It takes me out of my own head and allows me to completely forget about all of the annoying *ss insecurities that often swim around in my mind right before sex. 

I am not new to the world of cannabis but I still have a lot to learn, especially with regards to its impacts on sex, so I decided to speak with two experts in the field.

The first was Kiana Reeves, Chief Educational Officer at Foria Wellness, a women-owned and “vulva-centric” plant-based sexual health and wellness brand offering THC and CBD infused products. I absolutely LOVE that they use their platform to promote female pleasure and the use of non-toxic ingredients (something that Lovability also preaches with their vegan and toxin-free condoms) so knew I had to ask for their input. 

Tips and Tricks for Cannabis Newbies

Foria’s plant-based formulas can be intimidating to those who have never tried a product with cannabinoids before. For those people, Reeves recommends starting with topicals, which give you all the benefits without any psychoactivity (aka they won’t get you high). Topicals are vasodilators, which means that they dilate blood vessels; for people with vulvas these topicals can be incredibly stimulating because the lining of the vulva and vagina are ultra absorbent so when applied they allow more blood to flow from the capillaries, which equals more sensation, lubrication, and pleasure 😉

When buying CBD or THC products for your genitals, you HAVE to look out for the ingredients (gotta know what you’re putting inside you, just like with condoms). Knowing how the plant is grown, how it’s extracted, whether it’s been tested, etc. Answering these types of questions, along with a batch-specific COA (certificate of analysis), will be good indications of quality. Now I know you’re probably wondering what the heck cannabinoids are and how they differ product to product. There’s a lot of confusion in this market, so it’s only natural that you have questions (and you should!). I myself am still figuring all this out, but hopefully I can answer a few questions for you. 

The Science Behind the Smoke 

If you’re somewhat of a geek like me, you could spend hours (yes, HOURS) pouring through the science and the data on cannabis before you even get to talking about sex. To begin with, there are around 108 unique types of cannabinoids in the cannabis plant alone. THC, or Delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol, is most the well-known of the cannabinoids due to its psychoactive properties (this is the one that gets you f**king stoned). On the other hand, CBD, or cannabidiol, doesn’t get you stoned but it does prove to be useful in terms of its many therapeutic benefits, including anxiety and pain relief. Combining the two seems to (and I say seems to, because most evidence is anecdotal as a result of federal restrictions on cannabis research) enhance the positive effects of both, something that I found to be put on blast in the cannasex philosophy. 

The “Cannasexual” Philosophy

I didn’t stumble across the term “cannasex” until I listened to an episode of “D is for Desire,” where award-winning sex educator and cannasex coach Ashley Manta was invited on to discuss her discovery of and experiences with combining sex and cannabis. Ashley’s journey with Foria  and their THC and CBD-infused lubricants changed her relationship with penetrative sex forever. When I spoke with Ashley, she told me using cannabis allowed her to identify mental blocks around sex (such as pain, shame, and anxiety) and move past them, something she has been helping others to achieve in her private coaching sessions and group workshops.

She’s coined the term cannasexual to describe “anyone who mindfully and deliberately combines sex and cannabis to deepen intimacy and enhance pleasure whether solo or partnered”. Intent is what distinguishes cannasex from a random hookup between fellow stoners — it’s about digging deep and putting in work to find what products work best for you and your partner. 

5 Tips For How To Mix Cannabis And Sex

With all that said, here are a few things to keep in mind before you try combining cannabis products with sex:

1. Negotiate before you medicate!! 

Talk with your partner (and with yourself prior to some solo action) before you mix CBD and/or THC with sex. It is important to know each others boundaries with cannabis products and with sex, and especially when you’re mixing the two together. Talk to your partner beforehand and make sure they know what verbal cues or body language to look for should things go wrong with a product or you become uncomfortable. And please, PLEASE do not try the product for the first time the night of–if you aren’t sure of what to expect you won’t be able to fully immerse yourself in the experience. 

2. Find your own sweet spot. 

It’s never going to be as simple as someone telling you exactly what dosage to use. Go on a journey of self discovery!

If you are a seasoned smoker, you might have a better idea of where your sweet spot is; try starting a journal or logbook and take note of which strains, terpene contents, smells, and methods achieve the buzz you’re looking for. (Helpful tip: avoid heavy-duty dabs and unpredictable edibles because you’ll have much less control over dosage). Keep checking in with yourself if you are getting high–you might feel horny or you might end up feeling glued to the couch.

For those who don’t smoke, try starting out with CBD infused lubricants, topicals, or bath-bombs and definitely avoid diving right into the psychoactive stuff.

3. Avoid Overconsumption. 

THC and other cannabinoids have what’s called a biphasic effect— meaning they have opposite effects at high and low dosage. A low dosage can cause euphoria, the munchies, and pain relief, but once you cross over the threshold (which is different for everyone!!) you may find yourself anxious and paranoid. That’s why Ashley recommends that when it comes to dosage you go as low as you can for as long as you can (remember: you’re not in college trying to prove that you can out smoke everyone else).

4. Don’t give up if a particular product doesn’t match your expectations. 

Cannabis products are not going to be for everyone, and that’s OK. That being said, there are a LOT of options out there, so don’t give up after the first try. Not everyone will respond the same to a product and some people might be more sensitive to a certain ingredient, which is why Kiana suggests doing a patch test on another part of the body first.

5. It’s OK to be skeptical, but don’t let that hold you back.

You may very well be unlocking the door to a whole new world of mind-blowing sex — do you really want to prevent yourself from reaching new orgasmic heights? If you are skeptical, it may be helpful to know that this is by no means a new method of using these plants; cannabis has been revered in herbal traditions as an aphrodisiac for thousands of years. Ancient Indians would consume a cannabis-infused milk beverage called “bhang” prior to tantric sex rituals to increase sexual pleasure and enhance spiritual enlightenment. Sounds to me  like they got plenty of bhang for their buck 😉 (C’mon it was right there I couldn’t not make a pun.)

I’m not pretending to have all the answers when it comes to combining cannabis and sex — I’m still on this journey myself. I’m just someone who’s taken an interest in these products and who’s seen firsthand their positive effects.

What I do know is that using cannabinoids can increase your libido, sensation, access to orgasm, pleasure, and can diminish pain associated with penetration, which sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. If you keep your mind open and think of it as a sort of sexy, stoned, choose-your-own-adventure, you too can reach new orgasmic heights of pleasure.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A senior double Anthropology and Women’s & Gender Studies Major at Kenyon College in Ohio, Liza Brilliant (@brill.ant on Insta) is devoted to destigmatizing conversations around sexuality and promoting a healthy, sex positive femininity. Liza hopes to one day work in law and public policy, specifically around destigmatizing and decriminalizing sex work. She firmly believes that sex positivity has the power to influence broader political and social norms, changing the world one orgasm at a time.